July 04, 2002
My name is Karina, and this is my story.
Never have I had anyone to talk to about this, so I am not sure where to start. I guess I will start from the beginning.
I was in New Zealand when I found out I was pregnant. I was here meeting my sister for the first time. That was so cool.
When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy. I called my boyfriend, in assume, to tell him the news, and he was shocked but, at the same time, happy. He was younger than me so I was scared to begin with. That was September 1998. I flew home a week early as my boyfriend thought that I would better off home and near him. So I said my goodbye and back to Australia I flew.
When I got home, I was happy, but I knew that I had to tell my family. They would not want this, I knew this also. But I thought, well, they have a right to know.
I told my mother. So, I went to work and I told her. And that was that. She said, well, you are too young. Have to get rid of it. That is that. I was hurting and confused. She made me feel like that I would be the worst mother in the world. She didn't keep it to herself, either. She had to tell everyone and anyone. I was hurt by this also.
Everyone began judging me, and I felt so alone, and the only person that I could have talked to shot herself on the 5th October 1997.
So, I knew I was alone.
Not only had my mum made me feel useless and like a failure, but she also did the same to my boyfriend.
I was gutted.
I knew that what I had inside of me was part of me, and it hurt me so much that she didn't want the baby in my life.
I went to a doc on the 1st October with my mum, and before I knew it, I was booked in to have an abortion on the 5th October. I mean this day was a hard day for me, as it was the day that the only person that I could have talked to died, but in 1997.
I stood up and said, "No, I don't want this", and the doctor sided with mum, and said that I was just nervous about it all.
I was scared and hurt and alone.
I did not sleep, eat, or really do much. My boyfriend was so upset that he couldn't find himself near me, or my family. As his family are Christians we could not tell them what was going on.
I needed someone but had no-one. I was alone.
The morning of the 5th October, my mother picked up me and my BF, whom had not said two words to me for four to five days, and drove me 4 hours south to have this abortion done.
I kicked and screamed and carried on the whole way. My mother was screaming at me telling me that I was acting like a five year old.
I could not deal with this. I was so hurt.
So, when I got there I got out of the car and I ran.
My boyfriend caught up to me and he was crying and hugging me. He looked at me and for the first time in days he talked to me. He said, "I love you and this is not we want, but we both know that we are not going to live if this is not done." I could then see how much he was hurting. He was holding my hand and telling me that he loved me every 10 seconds. It was great, but then we walked into the clinic.
I froze.
My mother pushed me up to the counter and said, "My daughter is here to abort the baby she has."
I was like shocked, but at the same time feeling so sick. I threw up everywhere and began crying all over again. I was a mess.
I had to go into the psychologist and they said to me, there is no way we can let you go through with this.
I thought, "Yes I am free from this." Boy, was I wrong.
I walked out and said, "Let's go. They won't do it."
My boyfriend's face lit up. Mum stood up and said, "Oh, yes they will. We will not leave here until this is done."
Mum put on such a performance that they did it.
I woke up in the back of Mum's car. My boyfriend holding my hand crying. I was crying.
Later my boyfriend told me that they found me on a park bench, sleeping. He also said that I would have walked away with anyone.
A week later, I ended up with an infection, and now I can't have kids. We have been trying for two years.
This one day changed me as a person, and my life in general. I hold a lot of anger towards my mother, and because of that we no longer get along.
I just wish that we could have had some more support. This was done against my will and I hate it. Everyone judges me now and this makes it worse.
* Not her real name
