September 06, 2002
Hi everyone. I'm Haley, I'm 29 years old, and I'm from the great USA.
So many days go by, and I wonder why I even thought about aborting my baby.
It all took place in the summer of 99. I was a conceited 26 year old girl, and I was living with my boy friend.
We rented a 1 bedroom house. I didn't go to college (big mistake), and I was working at a Conoco gas station, barely making money to live off of. And my boy friend didn't have a job, so I worked really hard.
Well, about 8 months into our relationship, I started getting sick (vomiting a lot) and I thought that I might have the flu (it was flu season). But it didn't go away for a long time, so I went to the doctors and explained how I kept having flu like symptoms.
He said it couldn't be the flu. He started asking me a bunch of questions, and finally the pregnancy question popped up.
I never thought about it, and I doubted that it was that, but I took a test anyway, and sure enough, I was pregnant! "Oh my… What are we going to do?!" I thought.
I was so scared and dissapointed. I told my boy friend and we both felt so bad about it. Keeping the baby was out of the question. Not only were we barely making rent and living, but I was selfish; I didn't even want to be a mom! I didn't care what was the best for the baby, I cared about what was best for me. I wanted to keep everything going the way it was going in the first place. That was really selfish of me.
So, we started thinking of what to do. Abortion or adoption.
I was 9 weeks along, and I didn't want to go thru a whole 9 months of pregnancy for adoption and plus, I didn't have the money for prenatal care.
So, we called up an abortion clinic and found out all about it, and how much the fee would be, and I could make the money. I liked it and my boy friend liked it. So we decided abortion was our choice.
I scheduled to get an abortion the next week. The week passed and it was finally the day of the abortion.
When we arrived at the abortion clinic, I wasn't nervous at all, until we got inside the clinic.
It was so gloomy and it was freezing inside the waiting room, and the people didn't have any facial expressions at all. I started to get really uncomfortable. But my boy friend held my hand and kept telling me, "it'll be okay". That's what kept me from leaving.
I had to fill out a ton of papers, so I sat down next to this woman in the waiting room. After I was done filling them out, we started talking and she told me how this was her 3rd abortion, and she started crying.
Then I thought about what I was doing and what she went thru, so I started crying too.
I was just so mad about being pregnant. It was so horrible. But that didn't change my mind.
Finally, it was my turn. They had me put on this white hospital gown. It was so uncomfortable.
I went and laid down on the bed, and that's when I went under the anesthesia.
I woke up in so much pain, and that's when it hit me. I was like, "Wow, it's gone. My baby's actually gone."
I just was in so much shock, and I started crying. I went home totally miserable.
Things didn't get easier like I'd expected them to. They got harder because of what I had done.
Four weeks after the abortion, my boy friend and I broke up because of it. That was a good thing because if I was still with him, I don't know where I'd be now.
And now, I'm married to a wonderful man. I also have a great real estate job now.
And I never thought this would happen but… I got pregnant again. I'm a mommy! I had a sweet baby boy 2 years ago, and his name is Chris. He is so beautiful. And I could have aborted Chris, and I'm so glad that I didn't. Without him I don't know where I'd be. I love him so much.
Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve to be a mom after what I did. Not a day goes by that I don't regret it. It hurts just to think that I made the choice to ruin something so beautiful.
I wish I could just let my aborted baby know that deep down, I really cared. If I could take it back, I would. But I can't, and I'm happy with what I have now. But I'm a happy wife and, at heart, I'm a proud mother of two kids.
