December 07, 2003
I had an abortion just two weeks ago, and it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever done.
I was just over 7 weeks when I ended my baby's life.
I had the tablets, and had to sit there all day in the hospital waiting for it to pass.
The pains were so bad; I had to have Diamorphine.
My baby didn't leave me until about 5 minutes before I had to leave the hospital; it was almost as if my child was clinging onto me, and me onto my child.
The moment it left me, I felt so empty. My baby just kind of plopped into a bedpan which I had to urinate into. It was so undignified, and sad.
I went home and cried myself to sleep, and have been crying ever since.
I am 24, and the only reason I didn't have my baby was financial reasons, the usual mortgage, car payments etc.
I hope, if you are reading this, and you are faced with the same decision I had to make then, please, I am begging you to think long and hard.
Don't put it to the back of your mind, you need to make the right decision for you.
I didn't, and now I have to live with that every day.
When I go to sleep at night, it is with my hand on the tummy where my baby once lay. Please don't let that be you, make sure you are sure of your decision.
* Not her real name
